At the end of the day, when I stop and ask myself, "Self, what's it all about?" Mostly I just fall into bed and avoid the question. Then there are days (like today) when it plagues me. So many decisiions to be made, so many decisions to live with. There are issues facing others in the world that are so monumentally bigger than those that haunt my mind that I feel guilty even dwelling on them... but then, these are the ones that are mine. These are the ones that I have a say in, that affect my emotions, my finances, my family... No, we're not being slaughtered by a brutal regime; yes, we have enough food in the house; no, we're not suffering from major illnesses; yes, we have a roof over our heads and jobs to pay (most of) the bills. Still, there are worries, there are concerns, there are stresses, there are frustrations. Are we not justified in feeling the associated feelings, or should we constantly be comparing ourselves to those so much less fortunate and focusing on gratitude?
Can we be grateful and confused at the same time? I have wonderful things around me -- but are they the things I would choose if I could choose again? These questions swirl without answers, and without purpose. It is far better to just be grateful than to focus on questioning the things we cannot change. I know this, but it's hard to live it.
Yet live with it I must, and so I just keep moving -- onwards. Hoping for this haze to clear and my path to be laid before me.
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